If you’re part of a bilingual family, there are certain things that are, let’s say, special. You do things in a different way than a monolingual family and this has an effect on your family life. These are, I think, mainly positive but they are things that you can only really understand if you are part of a multilingual, multicultural family. So here are my 5 things that no one tells you about growing up or being part of bilingual families. Do you agree?
Bilingual families have bilingual pets
A funny one to start with. Not maybe the first thing to come to mind when you think of the advantages of growing up in a bilingual home. However, our visitors are always surprised that our pets understand instructions in both our main family languages. The dog will sit, get excited for a walk or for her dinner in both Italian and English. Obviously she doesn’t reply (otherwise I would be a millionaire and not sitting here writing this!) but she definitely understands. Maybe it’s the tone of voice, the expression on our face or the actions we make. Whether you say “let’s go!” or “andiamo!” though, she’s there waiting eagerly at the door.
Bilingual families have a double (or more) cultural language
Did you know that the characters in the Harry Potter books have different names in the different translations? Or that the school house names change too as does the name of the school? Are you a Slytherin, a Serpeverde or a Serpentard? They’re actually all the same in English, Italian and in French. If your child is reading books or watching tv shows or films in different languages, it’s surprising how much changes from one language to another. You will all become experts in singing theme songs to TV shows in three different languages. It might sound confusing but I think it’s really interesting and it does just become normal.
Your child will probably reply to you most of the time in the majority language
From questions I see on Facebook groups and talking to parents of bilingual kids, I think this is much more common and normal than we are sometimes led to believe. I felt incredibly guilty when my kids didn’t speak to me in English. I thought I was doing something terribly wrong. Even though I could see that they could understand me, that they were watching TV programs and movies in English and that they spoke on the telephone in English to their grandparents, I really felt that there was something else I should be doing. Looking at them now though, I’m sorry I spent all that time worrying and wish that I had just relaxed a bit more.
So, if you’ve got little kids who are not speaking to you in the “correct” language, try not to worry too much. You’re probably doing a great job and it will all turn out fine later on. They’re so small and they don’t understand why we want them to do something different from their friends. Later they will appreciate it more and realize how useful it is to speak more than one language.
Your kids will laugh at you, it’s normal
This is probably the case for most parents of teenagers who are constantly embarrassed by their families. I think you notice it more in a multilingual setting and it can be upsetting sometimes. Once you have made the huge efforts and done all the hard work to get your kids speaking more than one language, they will speak both their languages probably much better than you speak your minority language. They will also be completely embarrassed by your efforts.
So don’t expect any help from them if you’re at the doctors trying to explain a problem in a particular part of the body whose name you cannot remember or if you have someone doing a job at home and need to explain where the leak is. They will be hiding in their bedroom dying of embarrassment or pretending not to know you at all. I have learned to just get on with it and not expect any help. If I’m feeling particularly Bad Mum, I like to embarrass them even more and exaggerate my English accent or get words really wrong. I think I deserve that after all my hard work….
You will change language all the time depending on your social groups
If you’re living in a different country or you’re married to someone that is from another country and you have kids, you will probably find that you have a real variety of friendship groups. Living here in France, we have a group of friends who are French and are mainly colleagues or parents from school. We also have a group of Italian friends who we have met by chance. I also have my colleagues who are mainly English speaking. Most of these friends also have bilingual families and kids who are also bilingual or trilingual. It is always funny to see how their language changes depending on who they are with.
Although we do sometimes have occasions where everyone is together and either French or English is the dominant language, at smaller gatherings we are normally with people who just speak one language. I see it as a good opportunity to keep up my different languages and also a good opportunity for the kids to speak in Italian or English. It also means that they feel part of their different cultures and keep up to date with kids their own age.
I’ve already written about what I wish I had known about bilingual parenting and bilingual families before I started on the process of bringing up my kids. That was a more serious look at where I think I could have done with more advice. This is a more light hearted look at surprises that I wasn’t expecting but that have been quite interesting and sometimes funny. What do you think is special about your bilingual family? What weren’t you expecting? And what advice would you give to other bilingual families? To stay up to date with new posts and ideas, you can follow the GoogooEnglish Facebook page. Alternatively, sign up for email updates below.